Then depression set in...
Thursday, January 02, 2003
It’s far too early to be as late as it is, my mind is foggy from with Nyquil and THC that’s had a good four hours to circulate through my system. January 1st has been nothing much more than a null day for as long as I can remember, and so it has been today, sleeping off the night before, leaving the last year behind and getting ready for the new one, this day is just a hiccup on the way there.
I’ve been coughing up anything that’s gone down my throat for the past day and a half, at first I thought it was just my lungs teaching my a lesson, and I’m still not sure that’s so far from the case, though it seems to be more than that.
I told myself that I would do certain things this new year, made resolutions for myself, usually I don’t go for that type of thing, usually I don’t try to look at myself and what I can do change myself, but this year I did. I will write at least one thing a day, whether it’s notes for a story or a story itself, I will try to do that each day, and then set up specific timelines for myself to finish stories. I will do the same thing for drawing. Maybe it’ll work out and maybe it won’t, but I will have tried… I hope it works out.
Also, I saw Two Towers today. That was pretty good.
posted by Stu at 1:11 AM
Sunday, December 22, 2002
There’s something in the back of my throat tonight. It’s a common enough occurrence, as if there was something I needed to expel from my body but just can’t get enough courage to do it. I could burst into laughter or tears right now, it would make no difference, my hollow face now elastic with whatever emotion fits most easily into the present situation. Life has become nothing but scenery to me recently, watching from the sidelines and occasionally making a comment to move the story along.
The lights are dim inside the house, compensated by the fifteen hundred candles lit throughout the living and dining rooms. The heat was tremendous. Steam rises from the back of my neck as I exit out by the sliding glass door to the back porch, I light a cigarette. The smoke hits the back of my mouth and claws its way down my throat as a take the first drag, it’s then that I notice the tear running down cheek. I caught it in my palm and wiped it across my face. It wasn’t that I was overwhelmingly depressed; I had just come from laughing and joking with unrecognized lifelong friends and acquaintances inside, to be alone with my cigarette, my drink and the cold night air. It was nice to not have to fight the long line of interrogations concerning what I was not doing with my young life, and what I planned to fail at in the future.
It's a lonely holiday.
posted by Stu at 1:31 AM
Friday, December 13, 2002
Current favorite song? "I want to live" off Rhett Miller's solo album, the whole album is really great. "I want to live" is the type of song you expect to see a cast dance to as the credits roll on some odd comedy, i dare you not to sing along.
posted by Stu at 6:30 PM
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Can someone say, “Depression”?
Johanna was finally reviewed today and both people decided to pass on it, I know it’s not the end of the world, but it still not the wind out of me.
One guy thought that it was too contrived and confusing, the other one was less of a jackass and said it had some promise but didn’t really think the story went where the character’s wanted to go, and that I shouldn’t get discouraged, I should just make a major overhaul and try again. Yeah, I shouldn’t be discouraged, the script would be great if it was entirely different, thanks!
So now what? I guess I just keep waiting, because I really don’t feel like rewriting that damn thing right now. I’ll just have to wait and hope that someone likes the script the way it is. Damn.
Moving on to other thoughts; its Thanksgiving weekend, so that’s really good, I plan to get stoned and sleep for five days straight, its not much of a change, except for the sleep, that should be nice.
Go and join www.triggerstreet.com, it will make you a better person and fill that void in your life.
posted by Stu at 4:07 PM
Monday, November 25, 2002
why is it that wonder boys, by michael chabon, is about my life? how did he get into my head, i don't recall telling him how i think and what i think about, it's really wonderful and just as good as the movie, although different. read the book and see the movie, see the movie and read the book, then do it again by God. oh, so good.
posted by Stu at 10:49 PM
Saturday, November 23, 2002
Excerpt from Wonder Boys script written by Steven Kloves:
CRABTREE leans over an old ROYAL TYPEWRITER, reads from
the freshly-typed PAGE curling from the carriage.
Finally, the door opened. It-was a shock to:
see him, shuffling into the room like an aging
prizefighter. Limping. Beaten.'
(with an amused smile)
Sound like anyone we know?
But it was later, when the great man squinted
into the bitter glow or twilight...
Bitter glow of twilight? This kid definitely
needs an editor.
...and muttered simply, "It means nothing. All of it.
Nothing," that the true shock came. It was then that the
boy understood that his hero's true injuries lay hidden in
a darker place. His heart...'
CRABTREE stops abruptly.
Yes? 'His heart...'
CRABTREE hesitates, then... reads on:
'His heart, once capable of inspiring others
so completely, could no longer inspire so much
as itself. It beat now only out of habit. It
beat now only because it could. '
posted by Stu at 2:25 AM
Friday, November 22, 2002
I uploaded my script, “Visions of Johanna”, to Trigger Street yesterday. There haven’t really been any reviews yet, but that will hopefully change. And then, who knows… maybe it’ll get good reviews, and then maybe it’ll get in the top ten and be read by the panel with Kevin Spacey and Cameron Crowe and lots of other people, and then maybe they’ll want to make it into a movie. And then maybe Jessica Alba will invite herself into my house tonight, too.
So go to Trigger Street, sign up and review things, get exposed to the people trying to break into the movies, its free and it’ll make you feel like you’re making the world a better place, you’re not, but at least you’ll feel that way.
And go read my script, I chose the creative user name stuart. It’s gonna be great! Really! Why do I feel like David Spade in the sketch where he was ecstatic because a woman felt that their friendship was too special to ruin with a physical relationship? Oh well.